Where am I at? Here I am.

Often in meeting we talk about where we are at, which my sick mind uses against me when I'm not sure how to answer that question. "How can you not know?" my mind says. "Maybe this isnt' working?" my disease adds. Here I am. Unsure of where I am at. I'm happy-- mostly. And, there is definitely hope. I've been really tired a lot lately, and I think that is a direct result of not taking care of myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I've been drinking too much coffee, not eating as well as I was, and missing too many journal entries and daily meditations. I'm letting life get in the way of my recovery. Better yet, I'm letting laziness get in the way of my daily maintenance. I don't want to use today, but I also know it could be better. I guess, I'm just not exactly sure where I'm at in my recovery, on step work, with my sponsor, etc. And that makes me feel uncomfortable. To me, there are two possible answers and both could be equally correct. I haven't spent enough time with myself to get a good gauge at where I am in my recovery and/or I'm right where I am suppose to be and I'm not ready to accept that. Anyway, that's all I've got for now.