Step 6

The Steps...wow! I went over to my sponsor's house tonight to finish my step 6....that did not happen. We have been going over my step for a while and I thought I would be finshed tonight but oh well. I got angry, felt hurt, stupid, but yet hopeful. I told my sponsor I wanted to throw my book in the road and watch a semi run it over while I video taped it and all the while flipping off the camera. She said she was proud of me for being honest. I told her I wanted to say Fuck it all and she said that is good that you are being honest....and I understand. She said I could take a break, but I said I want to get better and I want to heal. She said that I was motivated and that made me very hopeful. She gave me a book to read about feelings. I have been writing paragraphs on thinking rather than feeling. I found out that I really don't know HOW to feel. I have been scared to feel...because of my past. My mom always told me to pretend that everything is OK. My dad felt so much that he killed himself. I then ask, where does that leave me?? I talked it over with my sponsor and we both think I can have my own beliefs on feelings, not mom or dads. I am going to list feelings to help me identify them with my character defects. I have hope that I will become the person that my HP wants me to be by feeling and working on this step. I have to remember NA is a simple program, but NOT easy.